I lost my baby this Christmas!

It's been 21 days since I lost my furbaby, Crumpy. He is my 17-year-old Maltese who has been with me for almost half my life. He passed away due to old age. 

I had him right after college and he was there in all the milestones in my life like landing my first corporate job, getting married, relocating to Manila, and later on in Bacolod, etc. I celebrated all these happy moments including all our birthdays and Christmases with him. With every major change --- he was there. 

Actually, even in the "not-so-happy moments," we were in it together too and he helped me get through it. I was able to get through "adulting" because I had a dog to take care of. In my darkest moments when I just want to end it all, he gave me a reason for living because all I would think of is "who would take care of him when I am gone?" 

And now.. 2 days before Christmas, my heart is empty. I have never felt more alone. I have a supportive husband and a loving family however when it's all quiet, the feeling of loss creeps in and I just miss him so bad. 

No matter how much I love Christmas. It's just so hard to be merry and bright at this time of the year. I am the type of person who gets excited to put up Christmas decorations as early as September 1st but now, we don't even have a Christmas tree. 

The past 3 weeks were a blur. I barely remember anything aside from working. To be honest, I feel like a robot. And now that we are on a holiday break, everything starts to sink in. 

I miss you, Baby Crumpy. I really do. 

For now, let me just quote what Ed Sheeren said, "I wish that heaven had visiting hours and I would ask them if I could take you home."