I Wouldn't Have Been Born, and That's Okay

Sometimes, I wish my mom had lived a different life. A life where she was loved, cared for, and supported the way she deserved. A life where she had a partner who made things easier for her, someone who stood beside her through life's challenges instead of leaving her to face them alone.

I wish she had met a man who could have given her a happier life. Someone who would have shared her burdens, protected her peace, and made her feel that she didn't have to carry the weight of the world on her own.

And sometimes, I think about how, if she had met that man, I probably would never have been born.

And you know what? I would be okay with that.

Because before she was my mother, she was a woman with her own dreams, hopes, and plans for her life. She deserved happiness. She deserved to be cared for, too. She deserved a love that made life feel lighter.

I realized this even more when I got married myself. I know how lucky I am to have a husband who genuinely cares for me, who stands by me, and who has never left me alone during my darkest moments. Having someone who shares your burdens and faces life's challenges with you makes such a difference. It makes you realize that marriage should be a partnership, especially when life gets difficult.

And now, I'm around the same age my mom was when she separated from her husband.

The thought breaks my heart. I cannot imagine the disappointment and loneliness she must have felt, having to face the consequences of circumstances she never deserved to be in. To be left picking up the pieces and trying to move forward when life had already given her so much to carry.

The older I get, the more I realize that my mom wasn't just my mom. She was a woman who had her own struggles, her own heartbreaks, and her own dreams. I wish I could have given her a glimpse of the life she could have had, one where she felt supported, where she didn't have to be strong all the time, and where someone took care of her the way she took care of everyone else.

Now that she's in heaven, I sometimes wonder what her life might have looked like if things had turned out differently. I wish she had experienced more happiness, more peace, and a love that made her feel safe and supported.

If there were a version of this world where my mom had been happier, where she had been loved and cared for the way she deserved, even if that meant I had never been born, I would have wished that life for her, too.

Because my love for her goes beyond wanting more time with her. I wish she had been given a better life while she was still here to live it.

I miss her every day. And I hope that in heaven, she's finally experiencing all the love, peace, and happiness that her heart deserves. ❤️

I cried for Justin Bieber today.

I cried for Justin Bieber today.

I didn't expect to. I don't know him, and I've never met him, but somehow his story has been part of my life for so many years. I grew up listening to his songs. I watched him go from this young kid with a dream to one of the biggest pop stars in the world. We saw so much of his life unfold online that, in a strange way, he became familiar.

Like a friend you've never actually met.

Maybe that's why reading about the things he went through hit me harder than I expected. I can't claim to know everything that happened behind the scenes, and I wasn't there for any of it. But seeing what has been shared publicly about the abuse and the difficult experiences he endured is heartbreaking.

What gets to me most is remembering how young he was when all of this began. While so many of us were simply growing up, he was growing up in front of the entire world, surrounded by fame, money, expectations, and people who had access to him at an age when he should have been protected.

It makes you look back at the boy behind all those songs differently.

I've always thought of his music as part of my younger years. There were songs I played over and over, moments I associate with certain albums, and memories that somehow have his voice in the background. So even though I've only ever known him through music and the stories shared with the public, I think a little part of me has always been rooting for him.

And now, more than anything, I'm glad he has a strong woman in his life who seems willing to stand beside him and protect the family they've built together. Someone who can give him the space to be vulnerable, to step away from the noise, and hopefully to heal from things he has carried for years.

After spending so much of his life being watched, judged, and expected to perform, I hope he has found a place where he doesn't have to be Justin Bieber all the time. Where he can simply be Justin. A husband. A father. A person who can have bad days, rest, laugh, feel safe, and slowly put the pieces of himself back together.

I think that's what I wish for him most.

Not another hit song. Not another comeback. Not another chapter for the world to consume.

Just peace.

It's funny how someone you've never met can become part of your memories without you realizing it. You grow up, your life changes, and somewhere along the way, the songs remain.

So today, I found myself crying for someone who doesn't know me and probably never will.

But maybe that's the beautiful thing about music. Sometimes, people who are strangers to us still leave a little piece of themselves in our lives.

And when you hear that they've been hurting, you care.

I hope Justin gets the chance to heal quietly, surrounded by people who genuinely love him, and to finally experience a life that feels safe and truly his own.